There's a special corner reserved in hell for the music of Billy Joel. I will accede that in his forty-year career he's put out, oh, five or six songs that are all right (just to prove my taste is suspect at times, I have a soft spot in my heart for “Allentown”). But there's also been a handful of songs so dire, so evil, so filled with hatred for the joy that music can bring you... that it defies description. With time, this blog will feature a good number of songs by this man.
Where to start? Well, for the truly vile, there is the song that I ultimately chose. This shopping-list harangue shows up on a good number of 'worst song ever' lists for good reason. Ostensibly, Billy Joel was annoyed by the fact that his generation, the Baby Boomers, were being blamed for, well, for their wholescale raping of the planet and their blatant selling out of everything their generation was supposed to stand for (I'd like to add to that list their monopolisation of western culture far beyond the expiration of their collective creativity or relevance). Apparently he set out to defend his generation by shouting tunelessly for several minutes. “It's one of the worst melodies I've ever written,” he concedes, showing a remarkable degree of self-awareness. He's not on record as having anything to say about that toe-curling moment when hea pproaches the end of a verse bellows out, “JFK... blown away... what else do I have to say?” The most frustrating thing about his apparent assertion that, after crudely describing Kennedy's assassination, there is nothing else to say is that nonetheless he keeps on gibbering anyway.
Billy Joel is under the apparent belief that a list of newspaper headlines from across the decades constitutes meaningful lyrics. And, speaking of what I said above regarding expiration of boomers' creative relevance, he couches all of this in one of the worst musical genres out there: '70s artists trying to make their music sound current in the 80s'. It is my personal belief that the reason 80s music is so maligned by so many is because anyone who was making music in the early- to mid-1970s, suddenly by 1982 or so decided to suck, by using huge drums, squeaky guitars and cheesy synths (and of course the dreaded 80s saxophone) to cover up the deficit of tune or meaning in their efforts.
History teachers, boomers themselves convinced of the historical merit of their own lifespans, actually spent several years foisting this nonsense on schoolchildren, under the mistaken belief that real, significant acts of history reduced to sound-bite lists would make history more enjoyable for them.
The truth, of course, is that we now have a full generation of kids who have developed a knee-jerk revulsion of the subject of history. Those who forget their history are doomed to hold Billy Joel culpable for it.
Love this. After reading your rant on Tom's Diner, I conclude we share a great deal of musical appreciation.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed it the first 100 times in a month I heard it. Now it is on my "Most Annoying Songs Ever" website (not yet created). Always thought Joel's best song was Captain Jack, and then my bubble was popped recently when someone pointed out that the song is about a crybaby rich snot kid (They found your father in your swimming pool).
ReplyDeleteYou should see how my colleague Wesley Virgin's story starts in this SHOCKING AND CONTROVERSIAL video.
ReplyDeleteWesley was in the army-and soon after leaving-he unveiled hidden, "mind control" secrets that the government and others used to get whatever they want.
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You've taken part in those types of questions, am I right?
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This is how my associate Wesley Virgin's autobiography launches in this SHOCKING and controversial video.
ReplyDeleteAs a matter of fact, Wesley was in the military-and shortly after leaving-he revealed hidden, "MIND CONTROL" secrets that the government and others used to get whatever they want.
As it turns out, these are the exact same tactics many famous people (notably those who "became famous out of nowhere") and top business people used to become wealthy and famous.
You've heard that you use less than 10% of your brain.
That's mostly because most of your BRAINPOWER is UNCONSCIOUS.
Maybe that expression has even taken place INSIDE OF YOUR own head... as it did in my good friend Wesley Virgin's head about 7 years ago, while driving a non-registered, beat-up garbage bucket of a car without a driver's license and $3.20 on his debit card.
"I'm very fed up with going through life paycheck to paycheck! When will I get my big break?"
You took part in those types of thoughts, ain't it right?
Your success story is waiting to start. All you have to do is in YOURSELF.
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